When you search for the synonym of forgiveness you will find these words among others: reprieve, amnesty, mercy, exoneration, pardon and condoning.
Forgiveness does not always come so easily especially if someone you hold in high regard hurts you. Personally, forgiveness did not used to come to me easily. My default mode on dealing with betrayal and hurt was to run far away from the person or detach myself emotionally from the person. This solves nothing.
Some people jump over it, ignore it or sweep it under the carpet and live in complete denial. Such people wake up one day and blow things out of proportion over a very small offence. They have been holding it all in and then one day, the proverbial "cup don full" happens!
Some say they have forgiven but continue to talk about that betrayal or hurt every chance they get. Others NEVER forgive, this results in years and years of malice.
Forgiveness is being aware that someone wronged you and granting them mercy or reprieve even if they are not remorseful. It is forgiving them ALL OVER AGAIN every single time you remember the hurt or betrayal. If you have to live with this person or interact with them daily, say a spouse, parent, boss, child or friend, Forgiveness in this case is condoning their excesses and granting them mercy.
Our minds tend to remember experiences that triggered negative emotions in us at will. You may remember the hurt or be afraid to trust them again with your time,presence,money, devotion or your love because of what hurt may have been done to you BUT every time you remember, say "I forgive you" within yourself.
This used to be a HUGE test area for me. I would shut down friendships, Jobs or love attractions because I could not just FORGIVE or condone.
Quite recently, a friend did something very hurtful to me and in the process said some wrong things. He made some defining commitments and did not come through. I called him and he said he forgot and downplayed the entire thing. I was hurt and furious and quickly decided never to trust this person with anything important or even bring him close to anything of value that I own.
Now, I am a woman of my word. It is also very important to me that whomever I deal with keep their word IN ALL THINGS! I was so mad and when my friend realized how important said thing was to me and also saw the error of his ways and apologized, I quickly said I had forgiven but deep within me I knew I wouldn't be sharing drinks or gist with this person again.
On Saturday I was at the lord's feet and the holy spirit points out that I had unforgiveness within me. I shut it down stubbornly but the holy spirit persits and also pointed out that I was expecting perfection from human beings when I should be directing such expectations at God! This one was a hard pill to swallow but in summary, the holy spirit convicted me and I learned the following:
Forgiveness does not always come so easily especially if someone you hold in high regard hurts you. Personally, forgiveness did not used to come to me easily. My default mode on dealing with betrayal and hurt was to run far away from the person or detach myself emotionally from the person. This solves nothing.
Some people jump over it, ignore it or sweep it under the carpet and live in complete denial. Such people wake up one day and blow things out of proportion over a very small offence. They have been holding it all in and then one day, the proverbial "cup don full" happens!
Some say they have forgiven but continue to talk about that betrayal or hurt every chance they get. Others NEVER forgive, this results in years and years of malice.
Forgiveness is being aware that someone wronged you and granting them mercy or reprieve even if they are not remorseful. It is forgiving them ALL OVER AGAIN every single time you remember the hurt or betrayal. If you have to live with this person or interact with them daily, say a spouse, parent, boss, child or friend, Forgiveness in this case is condoning their excesses and granting them mercy.
Our minds tend to remember experiences that triggered negative emotions in us at will. You may remember the hurt or be afraid to trust them again with your time,presence,money, devotion or your love because of what hurt may have been done to you BUT every time you remember, say "I forgive you" within yourself.
This used to be a HUGE test area for me. I would shut down friendships, Jobs or love attractions because I could not just FORGIVE or condone.
Quite recently, a friend did something very hurtful to me and in the process said some wrong things. He made some defining commitments and did not come through. I called him and he said he forgot and downplayed the entire thing. I was hurt and furious and quickly decided never to trust this person with anything important or even bring him close to anything of value that I own.
Now, I am a woman of my word. It is also very important to me that whomever I deal with keep their word IN ALL THINGS! I was so mad and when my friend realized how important said thing was to me and also saw the error of his ways and apologized, I quickly said I had forgiven but deep within me I knew I wouldn't be sharing drinks or gist with this person again.
On Saturday I was at the lord's feet and the holy spirit points out that I had unforgiveness within me. I shut it down stubbornly but the holy spirit persits and also pointed out that I was expecting perfection from human beings when I should be directing such expectations at God! This one was a hard pill to swallow but in summary, the holy spirit convicted me and I learned the following:
- I do so many wrong things and yet God loves me unconditionally and forgives me recklessly. Why can't i extend the same grace to others?
- Nobody is perfect, only the grace of Christ can flow in Man to do right. If I need something done right I should come to HIM that created that person and let him deal with the person. This lesson was big because I am preparing intentionally towards marriage and letting God work all the miracles in my man and deal with whatever weaknesses I find is paramount. I cannot nag my way into peace.
- Forgiveness frees me more than it does the other person. The bible said "if I REGARD unforgiveness in my heart, the lord will not hear my prayers" psalms 66:18 I don't know about you but that grudge is not worth my peace or being in right standing with God
- I am not perfect! Just because these people do not point out my wrong doesn't mean its not there. "Do not exalt yourself more highly than you should" Romans 12:3
- When I see imperfections in people, I should pray for them and not run from them.
My friend kept calling to say sorry and asking that I let him redeem himself. I called that Saturday morning to sincerely say the words '' I forgive you'' and I let him redeem the commitments he made even though I had already handled it. The moment I truly forgave I felt an outstanding peace. Will he still do something to hurt me in the future? Definitely, only God is perfectly good but I have learned to truly forgive and if this is a test area for you too, I implore you to take your heart to Christ and truly let go.
One of the bible verses that completely convicted me was Matthew 18:21-35, what struck me was verse 35 that says that the same way you do not forgive is the same way our heavenly father will not forgive us!
Jesus said love covers a multitude of sins. I never understood this till recently. This means that offences will come, but making a decision to love will help you forgive easily, condone and tolerate. I have learned to not complain or nag but to take it to God in prayers. He changes people in the most dramatic way. This does not center around love relationships alone but ALL relationships.
My sister is an amazing girl.
Quite recently, she has been very testy, impatient and almost rude. I was complaining to my friend and he said these words: " why don't you find out what the problem is, sit her down and talk to her in love". I did a back flip! while I was so wrapped up in what should be right or acceptable behavior, I forgot that my sister could be going through a lot. We have since patched up and are the best of friends but how many of us quickly hold on to hurts and breathe fire because things are not going RIGHT? Love truly covers a multitude of sins.
I hope this motivates you to forgive whomever or talk to someone in love today because that is the sole intention. I have learned to take my hurt to God for he is close to the broken hearts and binds up their wounds, psalms 34:18.
He will give you the grace to forgive easily and let go wholeheartedly.
love,
Ada💗💗
Thank you Ama
ReplyDeleteyou are welcome!
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